m of speech’ as my biggest strength and copy pasting as my birth right. I kissed my Girl Friend on her wall whenever I wished to and so did she without any fear. It was so easy to accept my girl as an engaged part of my life or I'm married to her before time. Writing about ‘Marijuana’ was like eating a chewing gum, just tear the pack and pop it. Posting drunken, sloshed pics on FB with half-burnt cigarette in hand was an unconstrained thing to do. Calling the lame Government functioning a ‘Fuck all’ and an irritating person ‘Fuck you’ or ‘Go Fuck yourself’ was never been this much easy and comfortable … until recently when I saw my Dad on facebook. I was not ready to anticipate the odd feeling which I was going through when I saw an extremely familiar face on the right hand side of my profile page (friend suggestion) with whom I have survived for 20 years continuously. My odd feeling transcended into mixed feelings which was confused between right and ‘better right’ thing to do at this time. Right thing was that I should befriend with my dad on FB and that’s it but the better right thing was compelling me not to be even around my dad on FB due to the future consequences of all the above FB activities which I have mentioned whenever he read or saw them. May be he would never comment or like or twitch my ear (virtually through his words) but he would surely doubt upon his upbringing and may also regret to find me as the part of his family.
In most of the family planets ‘Dad’ is the scariest kind of species found (yeah yeah I know exceptions are there). In the era in which people of my age or older than me have grown up, never had enough swollen balls to even reiterate our dads’ sentence. We never talked about sex even as part of sex education. Reproduction was in the book but never discussed with him as we have already been vaccinated automatically for sex and its behaviours and got immuned against its discussions. I knew abusing or swearing is bad but what and which kind of ‘Super word’ is used when, in which situation and how much it is bad I didn’t know, so out of the curiosity I know them all and use them time by time, even after my parents declaration - whenever we found you using such and such words we’ll slit your throat. Oh almighty! Thanks a bunch I have never got caught and I’m still alive.
The first thing he asked me when he saw my profile for the first time that who’s this girl so closely embraced to you in your profile picture? I would have replied a distilled answer if he had not seen my profile pic and asked me the same question but on the contrary he did everything against the situation, so my reply was blunt with a mock grin saying- "Ah! just a friend" and his ok after completion of my sentence felt like that dude this is all going to happen from now onwards to you so beware.
My dad never smoked for the love of his woman because she hated it but when he’ll see the result of his love posting smoking, boozing pics and R-rated songs, thoughts and jokes would he be able to subjugate his grievance supported with melancholy? I guess not!
To confirm this I asked few of my friends about their feelings when they saw their parents on FB. It was a mixed discussions. Some said they felt exactly what I’m feeling right now and they always have this fear of getting themselves exposed infront of their parents for no distinguished reason. Some on the other hand told me to tighten my privacy settings against my Dad’s profile but it's not 100% fool proof, which even I know. One of my friend told me don’t even add him what’s the use, my parents are also on FB but I don’t give a fucking damn! Some suggested me to add him and just stay normal as I’m and don’t worry about the things I do on FB. I said ‘ok and will do the same thing as you told me to do’ to everyone but I’m still perplexed with the idea to befriend with my Dad on FB.
It was a serene and extremely emotional yet confused moment when I saw on my dad’s profile that he boldly mentioned my name in his family section as his son and may be he is waiting for his son to send him a friend request. It is sad this time too dad from my side!
I know and understand every aspect of this meticulous situation but still unable to do the right thing and what I believe the reason for it is the respect followed by the fear of losing it infront of him/them(parents). I can say I don’t give a shit to it but I don’t want to challenge the upbringing of them due to my self-centered deliberation. Now my biggest fear of adding him is settling the state of myself being in the sacrifice mode for my outspoken attitude on FB, which is being like a tiny(mid-aged)-toddler who knows all the shittiest things but never does it. Am I right papa? One more fear which blinds me is that one day my dad might post on my wall saying - 'Son, let your friends know I google your home and homes around you'.
I’m an introvert in my personal life but one can easily figure out my extreme extroversion in my ‘text-ual’ behaviour.
Anyways what I concluded for this situation is I won’t initiate the befriend-ing process until he takes his step ahead. Till then ‘Nobody’ is gonna hurt real bad(Russell Peters)!
Happy Facebook-ing!
What I actually saw...I did...and then You watching it the same thing which I actually felt and saw ... Confused... Ha! Don't get into this just enjoy the Video... n thanks a ton for watching it!
Slit my throat which beckoned unwanted sound to you. It’s like you are dead and left me solitary, goosebumps are sheer sign of my feel to miss you. Your presence feels like air; it’s abstract, it’s brisky, I can’t touch you. If I say I Love You would you come back? If I say I would never fight with you, would you come back for me? You are the most beautiful I had, and still I couldn’t find a face better than your’s! Lend me your hand for the next life too, if I have any! Lend me those frivolous rebukes which you made behind me whenever I made you go mad. Why can’t we last forever? Just say it this time those words, I waited everytime. I’m half way out of the bond but soul is still there. I have more to cry, please listen to me! I could see you wearing those hospital blue shirt holding our child in your hand. Eyes are yours and I won the bet for her nose as mine. I’m smiling, but suddenly I missed you. Swayed my hand to the right and then to the left! Where are you? Where! Are you? I’m scared of the darkness ahead without you. Lungs have refused to inhale. Veins discarded their jobs to flow. I’m choking sweetheart! Save me! My last breath just knows your name! calling help! Oh! Now my blood is swarming in my head. Skin swelled up, my head will burst. Just say those magical words and let me rest in peace. Your delay would cost me an unsatisfied wandering soul after life. Come Back for the love you have for me. I just want you and I’ll leave the world for you. Just call my name once, I would never go. I want to hear it from you that you are mine.
